How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
