The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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