so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
