Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
