my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize