There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.