I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha