Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck