No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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