You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
