god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i don't like sucking hair
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
