Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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