Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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