Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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