Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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