It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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