The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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