remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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