I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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