you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
