I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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