I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
