Apparently you make a good broom.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
