she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
