I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
