The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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