end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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