Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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