you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
