You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
