I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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