i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
