3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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