Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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