did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
false alarm, still single
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