Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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