hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
