i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i think i just lost a toe
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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