i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
