My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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