WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
