I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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