The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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