Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
