Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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