This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
