I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
