Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
