i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
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Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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