You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
