He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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