Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
