Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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