Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
