I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The air was thick with penises
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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