Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
