Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
