Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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