After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
