We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
