I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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