just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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