I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
