At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
