I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
