somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
