In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
