remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
