I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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