He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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